The chances are your child will be arrested for being a child and behaving in a childish fashion at school. Behavior that once got a child a trip to the principal’s office or detention will now get them booked at the police station. Doubt me? Look it up: a 5 year old arrested for having a temper tantrum in kindergarten and a 12 year old arrested for scribbling on a desk and I’m sure you can find more.
It’s never too early to teach your child what to do if they get arrested at school for normal behavior, as demonstrated by the arrest of the 5 year old.
So what do you teach your child?
Pretty much the same things you would do yourself, but the most important one is to teach your child to teach your child to tell he arresting police officer, “I want a lawyer.” School officials and police officers won’t call the parents, because they don’t think parents have any need to know their child is being removed from the school. In the case of the 5 year old, it wasn’t the school principal who called or the police – it was a guidance counselor who felt the need to inform the mother. Teach your child those critical 4 words – “I want a lawyer” – the police by law have to respect that regardless of the age of the arrestee.
The older the child is, the more you can teach, but start with those 4 life-saving words. “I want a lawyer.” Even a three year old can learn to say that. You may need to teach your three year old to say that if day cares start emulating schools and calling the police on minor disciplinary issues. Play-act it with toy handcuffs, or even real ones – those are easy enough to find at flea markets. When the handcuffs come out, teach the child to say, “I want a lawyer.” Make it a game when they are young, and re-enforce it as they age.
As they get older, teach them the following things:
Don’t argue with the police. That’s what the lawyer is for.
Don’t run.
Don’t touch the police officer – even to catch yourself if you’re falling. Take the fall.
Don’t talk to the police. If your child is old enough to drive and they are driving a car when stopped, they must show driver’s license, registration, and insurance, but they don’t have to say anything. If the child has been reasonably detained, police will ask for a name, and the child must give it unless they are afraid giving their name will make matters worse, in which case, they can plead the right to remain silent. The police will hate it, but it is their right.
Teach your child that anything they say – anything, no matter how innocent it may sound – can be twisted against your child so silence is the best action.
Keep your hands where the police can see them. If you think you need something in your pocket or backpack or purse, you usually don’t (unless it’s lifesaving medication, in which you explain calmly to the arresting officer you are ill and need the medication and let them get it for you.)
Don’t resist the arrest, innocent or not. The police are predisposed to believe everyone is guilty of something even if it’s not the crime for which they are currently arresting your child.
Don’t complain to the officer on the scene.
Don’t tell the police they are wrong.
Don’t tell the police you are going to file a complaint.
Do not make any statement regarding the incident at all.
Remember the police officer’s name, badge number, and patrol car number.
Write down everything you remember ASAP.
Try to find witnesses and get their names and numbers.
If your child is injured, seek medical attention ASAP and have them take pictures.
Take pictures yourself of any injuries your child sustains in the arrest.
If you feel your child’s rights have been violated, file a written complaint with the police department’s internal affairs division or civilian complaint board as soon as possible.
Your child does not have to consent to a search of themselves. Police may pat down the outside of your child’s clothing if they suspect a weapon, but they do not have the right to search further. That’s one of the things those magic 4 words “I want a lawyer” protects your child from.
Your child needs to specifically ask, “Am I under arrest?” – another important 4 words. If your child is under arrest, your child has a right to know why. And the police have to tell them.
If your child is given a ticket while driving, they do have to sign the ticket. It can be fought later.
If your child is taken to the police station, teach your child to remain silent and to speak only to a lawyer. If you don’t have a family lawyer, teach your child to ask for one – they have the right to a free one and the police have to tell them how to get one.
Don’t talk to the police even at the station – use those 4 word sentences: “I want a Lawyer” and “Am I under arrest?”.
I hope your child is never arrested by the police for such spurious things as bringing a toy to school or scribbling on a desk, but we have proof that schools will call the police over these trivial things and police will follow through and arrest your child instead of telling the school this is an internal school affair and not a police matter.
If your child knows what to do, the trauma is reduced. Not eliminated, but reduced. As parents, it’s our responsibility to teach our children how to survive, and this is unfortunately yet another thing we have to consider.
